Aqua Teen Hunger Force

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Aqua Teen Hunger Force (December 2000 – present) is an animated television series from the Cartoon Network's Adult Swim programming block. The show follows the exploits of three anthropomorphic fast food items: Master Shake, the milkshake; Frylock, the carton of French fries; and Meatwad, the aptly named wad of meat.

Contents

[edit] Season 1

[edit] Rabbot

Dr. Weird: Gentlemen! Vegetables have threatened man for generations. I have obtained funds to solve this vegetable nightmare!
Steve: Uh, Dr. Weird —
Dr. Weird: Behold...
Steve: I thought that grant was for somewhat to cure diseases, and ….
Dr. Weird: The grant?! What is that?!
Steve: Dyuhhh ….
Dr. Weird: Shut up! Behold! The Rabbot! [The door lifts up and reveals Dr. Weird's monstrous fifty-foot Rabbot]
Steve: But, Dr. Weird —
Dr. Weird: Now bring me my large French perfume and spray him in the eyes, because that's how it happened to me! [The Rabbot's face is sprayed with a giant bottle of French perfume] Now you feel pretty, don't you? Wa, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! [The Rabbot hops out the door and toward the lab wall] The Rabbot! My creation! [The Rabbot smashes through the lab wall and Steve jumps out from behind his hiding spot behind the desk.]
Dr. Weird: What has science doooooooone?
[The Rabbot hops down the street and proceeds to jump on top of Carl's car, effectively destroying it.]
Carl: WHAT HAPPENED TO MY FRICKIN' CAR?!
Master Shake: Good morning, Carl. How's it goin'?
Carl: Oh yeah, good mornin' to you there Mr. Food Monster, this is how it's goin'. Look at my frickin' car. It is crushed...to bajesus and back.
Master Shake: ...Have you gotten any estimates?
Carl: Ah, for the friggin'-I just found it this way.
Master Shake: Carl-
Carl: I just walked out here for frickin' sake!
Master Shake: Hey Carl, its okay... it's cool man, I'm a detective. Clear the crime scene and let me think ... meteors did it! That'll be $20.
Frylock: Hey, Carl.
Carl: Great, we got the Fryman up here.
Master Shake: I have not called for you, Frylock. What are you doing here?
Frylock: ... I live here.
Frylock: Man, your car is messed up. How are you going to get to work, Carl?
Carl: I work out of the home.
Master Shake: Frylock, send Carl to work, then we shall solve this mystery and make $20.
Carl:I work out of the home. Do not point that fry thing at me.
Master Shake: Quickly, Carl, the ray is upon you. Where do you work?
Carl: I done told ya, I work out of the home! Now stop with the freak beam!
Master Shake: Send Carl to the home then!
Frylock: To the home!
Carl: Stay out of my pool!! Oh, my hip!
Master Shake: Okay, that'll be $20.
Frylock: So, what now, Shake?
Master Shake: We shall solve the mystery from Carl's pool!
Carl:: Oh no, don't go to my pool.
Master Shake: Going to the bank!
Frylock: I wonder who killed Carl's car ….
Master Shake: A car cannot be 'killed'! It was murdered! By someone who is jealous of Carl's ability to drive. Jealousy is the motivation!
[Meatwad was dancing, just before Master Shake jumps on Meatwad's jam-box and crushes it.]
Master Shake: Dancing is forbidden!
Master Shake: Shut your deformed mouth Meatwad, before I nail it shut!
Master Shake: How did you get back there? That's for salespersons only. I want to get back there. Get me back there!
[Meatwad changes shape into a bridge over the sales counter.]
Meatwad: Here. Take the meat bridge! It's right here!
Master Shake: Meat bridge? No.
[Master Shake smashes a hole in sales counter.]
Meatwad: Fine. Don't take the meat bridge.
Frylock: The scent seems to be coming from that mall
Master Shake: I know!
Meatwad: All right! I want some jeans!
Master Shake: (pushes past him) I'M the one who wants some jeans!
Master Shake: Well, as long as we don't go back to the lab.
Frylock: I need to go back to the lab.
Master Shake: God! That'll take a thousand hours!

[edit] Escape From Leprauchpolis

Dr. Weird: Gentlemen! Behold! I have invented this.....
Steve: What is it?
Dr Weird: I dont know. Go stand over there.
Steve: You mean here- (Gets catapulted by a rainbow into the sky)
Dr. Weird: It works! I am one can short of a six pack, wah-hah-hah-hah-hah!
Meatwad: [in the pool for the first time] Master Shake said it would dissolve me and then I would get clogged in the filter and then beavers would come and eat me. But that hadn't happened yet.
Meatwad: Look, I have a brain. I just took it out so it wouldn't get wet!
Frylock: Yeah man, he took his brain out. It's cool.
Carl: All right, I'm gonna give this "rainbow" thing another five minutes, and if it don't show up quick, then I am going down to the store and getting a hot-rod magazine. 'Cause they got the chicks with the boobs in there.
Merle: [Upon seeing Master Shake and Meatwad] What in the hell is that? You know this whole plan is just attracting a bunch of goobers.
Merle: Seems kinda stupid doing this whole thing for shoes.
Flargan: It's not just for shoes! It's … it's for ….
Merle: It's for what? This Bananarama tape with no case? We really scored big on that one, didn't we buddy?
Meatwad: He told me to get in the freezer cause there was a carnival in there. There wasn't no carnival! It was a damn freezer! I got freezer burn and I got bunched up against that chicken.
Master Shake: Let's go. They don't have nothin', it's like a flea market threw up in there.
Meatwad: Look, a Bananarama tape!
Master Shake: That's mine! Drop it where you are!
Meatwad: You don't need a machine to make a rainbow, for rainbows are made of happy thoughts, and dreams, and chocolate unicorns, and gumdrops, and licorice sunsets, and fuzzy gumdrop bears, in sugar-covered chocolate gumdrop land.
Meatwad: All right! The real rainbow! I did it! I brought happiness and joy to us all!
[A rainbow rips Carl's house off its foundation and flings it through the air.]
Master Shake: Wow!
Carl: Oooooooh, good!
Meatwad: Well, I gotta go…See ya later…

[edit] Bus of the Undead

Dr. Weird: Gentlemen, behold: Mothmonst- (Mothmonsterman flies off) Oh no! Mothmonsterman, no! Come back!
Steve: He has escaped.
Dr. Weird: Yes, through the hole. [slips and falls] My banana!

Mothmonsterman: "Oh, hey, where you guys been?"
Master Shake: "Memphis"

Master Shake: Get the door, Meatwad. It's Dracula.
Meatwad: Good morning Carl!
Carl: Yeah it is a good morning there little man... it's three in the morning!
Carl: Look, all I know is that this cord here was plugged into my house, and your house was glowin' like the frickin' sun! So I put two and two together there hey, and decided that you're pissin' me off.
Master Shake: We are truly sorry Carl, and it will probably never happen again. Can we have our cord back?
Carl: No, no there. I'm just gonna keep it there, since it's uh, mine anyways.
Master Shake: What do you want from me?
Mothmonsterman: I want the light turned back on.
Master Shake: I don't have the blood you crave!
Mothmonsterman: I just laid a thousand of my eggs inside his esophagus. You know, I need to propagate my species and, he's being a baby about it.
Mothmonsterman: Why did you throw molding at me?
Frylock: I'm not detecting any vampiric activity. Besides, it's 2 o'clock in the afternoon.
Master Shake: He's a- he's a reverse vampire. They crave the sun.
Frylock: Oh really?
Master Shake: Y-yeah! They love it! They love to get tans!
Frylock: ...No kidding. Where're they from?
Master Shake: I'll te-..Well-...it's a-...<pause> Tansylvania.
Frylock: Oh, oh no. Nooo way in the world...
Master Shake: It's true! I've actually written a lot about it, and-

[edit] Balloonenstein

Frylock: Grab my potatoes Carl!
Carl: Ohh, sweet, sweet nectar. It's like my pool is tearin' ass around the backyard. But it's stayin' still. Still waters run deep!
Frylock: Ooh. Damn! What dimension was that? Carl, your hands!
Carl: Yeah, I know, I see 'em; they're very big. Well, it was fun. I'm gonna go take a nap now and then I think I'm gonna call, uh, some hospitals.
Shake: The real spaghetti got wet when I was boiling it so… it’s in the dryer!
Meatwad:Why didn’t you say so! It's probably dry by now, so let's go get it. [saying as he gets into the dryer] Now remember, I like it spicy!
Shake: Ha ha ha! So stupid!
Meatwad: Hey, wait a second! Why's it spinnin'?
Meatwad: Shake, where is my popsicle?
Shake: Please, what is it?
Meatwad: I require a popsicle every 15 minutes! You obviously did not read the memo!
Shake: This is your memo? (holds up a crude drawing)I don't even know what this is!
Meatwad: You sicken me with your lies.
Meatwad: You better run, boy! And bring back some chocolate syrup too, or your fate is sealed.
Meatwad: Everybody hates me 'cause they die or get hurt.
Master Shake: Will this hurt 'im [Meatwad]?
Frylock: It shouldn't.
Master Shake: Then why are we doing it?
Frylock: Go destroy Balloonenstein!
Meatwad: Do what now?
Frylock: Pop the balloon with the glass!
Meatwad: Yeah, yeah okay [long pause] Do what now?
Frylock: Pop him with the glass! The glass in your head!
Meatwad: Yeah, yeah I know. I don't yell at me [pause] Do what now?
Frylock: Dammit he needs his brain. Otherwise he 'just gonna float around forever saying "Do what now?"!
Meatwad: Do what now?
Meatwad: *now a 50 foot meatball* Where are my popsicles?
Frylock: Damn!
Master Shake: Is that you God?
Meatwad: Frylock, get away from the pool.
Frylock: Aw hell...*moves away from the pool*
Meatwad: *leaps into the air* Can Opener!

[edit] Space Conflict from Beyond Pluto

Oglethorpe: What do you know of fire? You prance around like you have laser eyes. You don't!
Oglethorpe: I have an amazing plan to betray our new friend … hah-hah-hah!
Emory: I thought the plan was to barbecue with him.
Oglethorpe: Plans are for fools! When he gets here, we melt him … and laugh … on into the night!
Oglethorpe: Do you see how my mind works? It's like a laser!
Oglethorpe: Why don't you shut up and let me do what I want for a change?
Oglethorpe: We are on a top secret mission of world domination!
Frylock: World domination? You guys couldn't take over a damn bowl of Jell-O!
Emory: Hey, is that, like, an important place or something?
Oglethorpe: [threateningly] Where is it?
Oglethorpe: You might be interested to know that we are just about to destroy your planet!
Master Shake: Oh, go ahead, I'm not there, ah, it's fine.
Frylock: You cannot cut someone's lawn with matches, Meatwad!
Meatwad: Look, I know that. You gotta have gasoline, otherwise how's it gonna spread to the street?
Carl: (banging on the Aqua Teen's door) Open this damn door now!
Meatwad: Oh, is he mad? Don't open it.
Carl: I heard that!
Oglethorpe: Emory, the melon's on fire!
Emory: Of course it's on fire, it's not meant to be cooked.
Oglethorpe: Hey, hey, what is with all this interrogation? Let's toss the frisbee...over there...WHERE WE WILL MELT YOU INTO FLUID! [begins stomping on the frisbee]
[Frylock realizes that the Plutonians are complete idiots and wants to leave.]
Frylock: Okay, look, which one of these buttons beams me out of here?
Oglethorpe: Those buttons are red! You'll destroy us all!
[Frylock pushes a button. Balloons and confetti fall from the ceiling and music plays.]
Emory: All right, party time!
Oglethorpe: Whose birthday is it? Someone gets a spanking!
[Frylock pushes another button. Shake appears on the ship.]
Shake: Hey, happy birthday! Hey, who's the lucky boy?
Frylock: Shake, how did you get in this beam?
Shake: Look, that beam came from space. You don't own space, so stop acting like you do.
Shake: This whole ship's a bunch of buttons! And I'm done with this Redbook, I was done with it the minute I saw it. And I'm hungry!
Frylock: Uh, Shake...
Shake: What do you want?
Frylock: Carl is here...
Shake: How did you get this--I'm not here!
[At the Aqua Teens' house, Frylock, Carl, and Meatwad are watching Shake on the computer.]
Carl: Oh, you're not there?
Shake: Hello, Carl.
Carl: Hey, buddy, how ya doin' there? Pizza Land, huh? That's lots of fun. Hey, uh, I wanted to let you know that YOU BURNED MY FREAKIN' HOUSE DOWN!
[The Plutonians have put Shake in the melting chamber]
Emory: Why isn't he melting? I mean, the beam's supposed to be on.
Oglethorpe: Well it's not. I'm looking right at it and it's not on.
Emory: Maybe we need the remote.
Oglethorpe: Well maybe you shouldn't have run the melter through the VCR, Scheiskopf!
Emory: Well, maybe it's 'cause you said "I want all meltings to be taped", even though you never watch 'em!
Oglethorpe: NOW, WHERE IS THAT DAMN REMOTE?
[Shake has asked for a new virtual environment. He appears in what appears to be a live-action park. He finds himself next to a horse.]
Female Computer Voice: Welcome to this horse's anus.
[Shake accidentally fires off an escape pod holding the Plutonians' remote control]
Oglethorpe: What in the hell was that?
Emory: The escape pod.
Oglethorpe: Damn it!
Emory: You really think we need to blow up their planet?
Oglethorpe: Is that what I said, blow it up? Let's blow it up!
Meatwad: [After Carl's house has burned down] Hey Carl, you want me to shampoo the rug?
Carl: What's the freakin' point Meatman?
Meatwad: So you can gimme some money.
Shake: Shake to ship! I'm still not seeing it!
Oglethorpe: Oh, you can't see it? Well, let me turn on the light for you!
[The ship flies away, sending Shake spinning to Earth.]
Shake: Wait!
Oglethorpe: Jackass!
[Carl is holding a tire iron.]
Carl: Hey, buddy!
Shake: Hey, Carl! Hey! Lawn looks great!
Carl: Likin' it?
Shake: Why's your house all curled up?
Carl: I don't know, I was hoping maybe we could have a little dialogue about that.
Shake: Hey, that's a nice tire iron, Carl. Is that yours?
Carl: Yeah, let me get in there and show you the finish on it. Up close.
[Carl gets in the pod. The door closes.]
Carl: Taste the chrome!
[Carl proceeds to brutalize Shake. The pod falls over.]

[edit] Ol' Drippy

Frylock: You ever hear of a refrigerator, or a frickin' trash can?!
Master Shake: No.
Frylock: You got three raw chickens in here on the floor! A dog wouldn't even take a crap in here!
Master Shake: Look, just take the hose and lightly spray everything out the back door.
Frylock: No, no MY ASS YOU WILL!
Master Shake: Drape a tarp over it.
Frylock: Oh no you're not! You're gonna go to the damn store and get some cleaning supplies!
Meatwad: What's goin' on?
Master Shake: Look at this mess! Did you do this? [long pause] Fine, I'll go. But it's my decision to do this, I declare it.
Master Shake: Oh yeah, he's nice now, but don't come looking for me when he's burying your bodies out in the desert.
Meatwad: This here's Vanessa. I know she looks like an apple, but she's actually a full-grown woman, and she fell in love with her boyfriend, Dewy, here, and they go off into outer space and then they... they get married.
Frylock: Shake, what're you doing with that gutter?
Master Shake: What're you doin' with that beard, huh? Answer that, scientist!
Master Shake: My telescope! You've ruined it! How will I ever see the stars again?
Meatwad: This ain't no telescope, it's Dewey. He's an engineer, and he works on the Supertrain.
Master Shake: He does what?! You've got mental problems. [Hits Meatwad repeatedly with gutter] Taste the chrome!
Ol' Drippy: [walking it with the "doll"] What's it taste like?
Master Shake: Your mother's... [sees Ol' Drippy for the first time] AAAHHHH, MONSTER!!!
Carl: Did you see a woman in a bikini with a six-pack of beer and a surfboard come in here?
Frylock: Was it made of cardboard, used to be up at the liquor store?
Carl: Uhh... no.
Master Shake: Frylock, a cookie is just a cookie, but a Newton is fruit and cake!
Carl: Ohhh, she smells like dead mushrooms and cheeseburger meat.
Ol' Drippy: Idle hands spend time at the genitals, and you know how much God hates that.
[Frylock has suggested that Shake be "polite"; Shake intentionally knocks Ol' Drippy's latte out of his "hand".]
Shake: [sarcastically] Oh, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to knock that out of your hand, how inconsiderate of me! There, was that polite enough for you, Frylock?!
Frylock: Shake, what is wrong with you?
Master Shake: What's wrong with you? Hey, why don't you go kiss your new best friend, you love him so damn much! I'm the one who cleaned the kitchen. I'm the authority!
Carl: [at the door] Someone wanna tell me why my pool is full of hotdog chunks and dirty dishes?
Master Shake: Oh Carl, you didn't mess with it did ya? Cause it's gotta set up for a couple days with the battery.
Carl: The battery?
Master Shake: Yeah, you know, the one from your car. I dumped some shampoo in there too, but it's dog shampoo so I dunno if it's gonna work, but were prayin' like hell that it does.
Carl: No, no, no, I understand, I understand. I'm just gonna go, I'll be back in a few. You uh, you think that the gun store is still open?
Ol' Drippy: Carl, please, I'll take care of the mess. He means well, he's just a little... well, I'd better not say.
Master Shake: What? I'm a little what?
Carl: Thank you, Drippy. You are very well-mannered and very nice. [To Master Shake] And you oughta take lessons from him.
Ol' Drippy: Here, Shake, eat my head.
Master Shake: Here, kiss my ass.
Meatwad: Where are you going, Drippy? I love you.
Ol' Drippy: I'm going away for a while, Meatwad, and I may never come back, but I'll always be right here inside.
Master Shake: Yeah, in my stomach, baby.
Ol' Drippy: Close your eyes, Meatwad. [Master Shake takes a big bite out of Ol' Drippy] AAH!
Master Shake: Leave your eyes open, Meatwad. I wanna horrify you into a coma.
Master Shake: Then let us fast-forward... to the power of x!

[edit] MC P. Pants

Shake: I like beatings, I'll beat ya all day!
Frylock: [listening to Bach] Yea, now that's a kickin' glissando.
Carl: Hey, which one of you guys has been playin' "I Like Candy," for a frickin' week!
Frylock: It was your other neighbor.
Shake: Meatwad.
Carl: You know what? At this point it don't matter, 'cause it keeps runnin' inside my head and it won't leave unless I blow it out, with a bullet!
Carl: I like candy, bubblegum and ta- DAMMIT!!
Frylock: Shake, did you hear this lyric? About drilling a hole straight to hell, and releasing demons to create a global diet pill pyramid scheme?!
Master Shake: Eh, I don't know. All that rap is is clicks and whistles.
Carl: Look, Meatman, what are you doing trick-or-treatin'? It's frickin May.
Meatwad: Look, I need candy. Now, are you going to give me some, or are you going to use some teeth?
Carl: I know, I've only heard your little song a thousand times! Now I want candy and I don't know why.
Meatwad: Shhh...I don't listen to that kiddie crap any more, I'm check'n the adult jams now, see, check it. MC Pee Pants don't just want candy now, that's childish, he needs it. And when you need something that's a responsibility, that only only an adult...of my maturity...bunnies!
Carl: Yeah, I got a deal at the dumpster, I mean warehouse. Yeah, you might want to wipe the juice off them.
Frylock: You know Meatwad and Carl have been hanging out quite a bit lately.
Shake: What, you want 'em to stop? (yelling out the front door) Rape, rape, oh rape!
Frylock: No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine, but don't think it's a little bit weird that they started washing the car at midnight... and they're still doing it?
Shake: Look, people do things, it's a fact.
Carl: 612 Wharf Avenue? I know where that is, that's the, uh, abandoned warehouse next to Melon Shakers...th-the Gentlemen's Club.
Frylock: You're all the things that are in this ad: you're energetic, hard-working, you like people—
MC Pee Pants: No, I love the liquid inside people. How many times I gotta tell you this, man? I'm insane! I eat people-juice. No one's gonna hire a people-juice eater!
Satan: We listen to speed metal.
Shake: I should not walk so a child may live. [pause] That's what it does.
Carl: Why aren't your lips moving?
MC Pee Pants: Look my shniggys, I had a strizzoke in my brizzain, ok? You know what I'm sayin? So I can't move all good. Thanks for bringing that up, thank you very much!

[edit] Dumber Dolls

Frylock: The Highlander was just a movie. I mean...
Master Shake: Oh, Frylock. The Highlander was a documentary, and the events happened in real time.
Frylock: Are you done? Because that took forever!
Master Shake: I... uh, well, I am forever… I am immortal! (jumps off a cliff)
Frylock: Shake, no!
Master Shake: (hanging on to a branch on the cliffside) Uh, guys, I'm not immortal here, okay? I think that the branch will hold for IT'S NOT HOLDING! (branch suddenly breaks and he falls)
Happy Time Harry: No, I don't come with a firearm, but I got these: Action Bills!
Meatwad: Those sound like fun.. uh.. let's go swimmin' that oughta cheer you up!
Happy Time Harry: Oh yeah, swimmin' sounds like a really fun idea. Why don't you go swimmin'? I'm gonna take a nap. And get me up at midnight cause I gotta go to work!
Happy Time Harry: Hi, I'm Happy Time Harry…...and if you've got a problem with that, we can go... right now.
Happy Time Harry: You know, sometimes I like to take this knife and just cut myself and see how deep I can go before I just…pass out, man.
Jiggle Billy: Well [pause] All right y'all, commence ta jigglin'!
Happy-Time Harry: Go ahead man, let's do this thing.
Master Shake: I told you I'd do it, I'm gonna do it now. Hey Meatwad, look at this! Come to the window! Big time fun.. you know what I mean?
[While Shake is talking, Happy Time Harry pours gasoline over himself.]
Happy-Time Harry: Okay dude, I just did all the prep work, now let's get it on! DO IT!
Master Shake: Well.. shoot... I mean I was just gonna..sort've blow your jaw off with a fire cracker or something.. I wasn't gonna.. I think I need to go pray..
Jiggle-Billy: So. We jigglin or...
Happy-Time Harry: Hey, backwoods retard. Not now. Not ever.
Jiggle-Billy: Ok! Nap-Time! [Continues Jiggling]

[Aqua Teens see that Jiggle-Billy has been decapitated by a self-inflicted gun-shot]

Meatwad: Jiggle-Billy!!
Happy-Time Harry: I had nothin' to do with it man. He did it himself. Because he couldn't stand being with you!
Meatwad: Oh, you see this? Look he's still jigglin'.
Happy-Time Harry: No, that's something else.
Jiggle-Billy Head: Hey partners, I'm still alive! I'm just real depressed...

[Master Shake is on fire on the ground after being struck by lightning]

Meatwad: We grillin' tonight!

[edit] Bad Replicant

[Dr. Weird is hanging upside-down.]
Dr. Weird: Gentlemen! Chop off my head with such velocity that my blood will rocket through my neck, and propel my lifeless body, all the way to Phoenix!
Steve: Wow. Uh, what's in Phoenix?
Dr. Weird: Why, it's your mama, Steve! Get the ax!
Oglethorpe: Look at [the Earth] out there. Orbiting like it's so cool.
Master Shake: Look at him and tell me there's a God.
Meatwad: He made me in His own image.
Master Shake: Oh, yeah, God's a big meatball, I forgot. Ah, ha, ha, ha, ha.
Meatwad: He is.
Master Shake: Does he stink like you do?
Meatwad: Yeah, that's right. And he ain't my best friend, neither. He yells at me and scares me and locks me in the attic, and pours liquid on my head that stink, and freeze me with the fire extinguisher, and a whole bunch of other stuff I can't remember 'cause he shocked me in the head with a car battery. [pause] With a bunch of clamps, and sparks, and ….
Emory: Yeah, hey Oglethorpe, do you remember this guy [Shake]?
Oglethorpe: I'm starting to.
Emory: And how annoying he was.
Oglethorpe: Yes, and how he scoffed at our magazines!
Emory: So, uh, what were we gonna do with him?
Ogletorpe: ...We shall use him for the armies ... of the night!
Emory: But I thought the guy down there was going to build an army ... of the night.
Oglethorpe: Different army dorkface! This army will take over the rest of the galaxy! You see how my mind works? It's like a laser!
Shake: You know, I know you from somewere.
Oglethorpe: He must not know who we are. Quick, paint the Mind Room!
Emory: Uh, I'm still not done with the trim on that.
Frylock: Oh, you're ki — Meatwad, it's not polite to stare.
Meatwad: But, look at him.
Major Shake: No, it's okay, I know. I'm totally, hideous.
Meatwad: No i-it's cool, I was just wondering if that jam-box worked, you know. Shake threw mine in a cobra cage, and dared me to go get it, and that's why I'm all puffy back here.
Oglethorpe: Oh, well son of a … imprison him within the rings!
[Disco light rings come down around Shake.]
Oglethorpe: You'll never move from that spot again, unless you like being cut in half!
[The phone rings. Shake reaches through the rings to answer it.]
Master Shake: Yelloo?
Oglethorpe: The laser rings!
Master Shake: Look, brother, these ain't nothin but disco lights.
Emory: No, the installer said that they were imprison laser rings, and I, I believed him.
Oglethorpe: Don't listen to him, for he is a witch!
Oglethorpe: Look, look, settle down, can you just maybe try and replicate some other people, and get an army going and then take over the entire planet.
Emory: Or is that not possible.
Major Shake: Well I don't know, I don't think I can replicate others, was that your plan?
Oglethorpe: Well, one of them. We have many plans.
Major Shake: Well maybe your next plan should be to tell me what the plan is.
Oglethorpe: Look, settle down. It's all cool.
Major Shake: No. No. Look at me dude. I'm a leaky, disgusting, abomination and I'm not going to do it anymore.
Frylock: Did they not see us sitting here?
Major Shake: No, I'm sure it'll come to them.
(On the ship)
Oglethorpe: Oh, damn it!
Emory: What?
Oglethorpe: That was that man, the fry-man!
Meatwad: So, is he like replicating it?
Frylock: No, he's hotwiring it.
Meatwad: Oh, shoot I was hoping I'd learn something. Science is a mystery to man, isn't it Frylock?
Frylock: Yeah it sure is Meatwad...
Meatwad: Like how we all evolved from the ancient dinosaur. I wish I had some of their stuff boy. Like them tail. Them tails that make 'em fly.
Frylock: Shut up, Damn!
Frylock: So, did they, um … ever find your car?
Carl: Oh, they found part of it, you know, hang'n from a tressle near the turnpike. Yeah the cops said he had a … a "straw-like protrusion" and a "cup-like body." You know anybody like 'at?
Frylock: Uh, well, it wasn't Shake, Carl. He was abducted by aliens earlier this afternoon.
Carl: Oh, I knew that. Yeah, of course.
Frylock: He was … seriously.
Carl: I hate you!
Emory: So, what are we gonna do with the prisoner?
Oglethorpe: We shall ask the mighty Orbnauticus.
[A disco ball comes down from the ceiling.]
Oglethorpe: Orbnauticus, we seek wisdom. To what evil purpose shall we put our slave to use?

[edit] Circus

Shake: Meatwad, get in this bag!
Frylock: What?!
Shake: What? I got airholes...it's a joke, it'a joke, ha ha, don't get in that bag, you little meat.
[cut to Shake and Meatwad in an alley]
Shake: Now you stay in that bag!
Meatwad: So is this where the camp is?
Shake: Yes, now gimme a hug. But, keep the bag on, okay.
Meatwad: Smells like vomit.
Shake: Shut up! The counselor is about the counsel you, and he will send you straight back home and you'll never learn RAM!
Meatwad: Okay Shake, see you in a week.
Shake: Yeah, I'll see you in a week. In hell!
Meatwad: Hey Randy, I don't know what's going on, but can I trade bunks? 'Cause my roommate's...wha- are those his organs?
Randy: Oh that's Inside-Out Boy. His mouth is in his belly, so he's gotta slap at his vocal chords with his bladder in order to make words.
Meatwad: ...I-I-I don't like this camp. Can I go home now?
Carl: Hey, where's Meat Mountain there?
Frylock: You mean Meatwad.
Carl: Oh no, they were callin' 'im Meat Mountain last night.
Shake: Okay, I'm gonna go.
Frylock: You're not going anywhere Shake.
Carl: Yeah, ya gotta come check this out man. Igloo, hot dog, igloo, that bit. But the whole time the stripper's shakin' it in front of 'im.
Frylock: My goodness! Where was this?!
Carl: The warehouse in front of Girls For You, you know, the lingerie modeling place.
Frylock: Uh, no, I don't know Carl.
Carl: Well-ell, twenty bucks, twenty minutes. I'm tellin' ya, one Friday night, you and me Fry-man, blow the lid off the joint! Yeah-heh!
Frylock: I don't think so Carl.
Carl: What, you gay?
Frylock: You sold Meatwad to the circus, didn't you?!
Shake: Every day I buy and sell people like you! But no, I did not do that. But based on what I'm hearing here, someone may have.
Frylock: How much Shake?
Shake: Two.
Frylock: Two? Two what?
Shake: Two dollars. What? What's wrong with that?
[cut to Shake, Frylock, and Carl at the circus, where Shake sees the price of admission]
Shake: Two dollars and fifty cents! Are they out of their minds?!
Carl: Look, I don't work my ass off for twenty hours a week so I can throw my money away, that's wasteful! These bills are strictly for me to kiss...and slip in some stripper's underwear, so come on!
Frylock: Wow, the crowd is really getting off on this.
Carl: Well, that's great. I'm so happy for 'em. Where are the strippers?!
Carl: Yeah, you the supervisor? Where were the strippers?
Randy: Didn't need 'em. Meat Mountain pulls in the crowd all by himself.
Carl: Well you give me back my $2.50, 'cause I ain't payin' for something that happens every day on the hood of my car!
Meatwad: Randy, he [Shake] ain't from space.
Randy: Yeah, I know little guy, cause I'm the prince of Jupiter.
Meatwad: You never told me that.
Randy: See, years ago my dad sent me down here to conquer your species by infiltrating your gene pool, know what I mean? [chuckles] Know what I mean?
Meatwad: No
Randy: Well...when a man and woman love each other...physically...outside of a bar.
Meatwad: Which bar?
Meatwad: Listen to me Randy, it doesn't matter if you're white, or black, or a sasquatch even. As long as you follow your dreams, no matter how crazy or against the law it is. Except for sasquatch, if you're a sasquatch the rules are different.
Randy: Forget it Meatwad, I'm a circus freak, and that's all I'll ever be.
Meatwad: ...Whatever.
Meatwad: And I'll tell you something else Frylock, I did not see one computer in that whole camp.
Frylock: Yeah, yeah. Say, have you noticed that Indian burial ground that's coming up through our drain again?
Meatwad: Nah, that's Inside-out Boy. He just needs a place to stay for a few days.
Shake: Whoo, I just ate a whole bathtub full of cherry cobbler. It was delicious.
Meatwad: You're joking, right?
Shake: No, I'm not.
Meatwad: ...NOOOOOOOOO!!!

[edit] Love Mummy

Shake: Do you know what time it is, huh? It's 2:30 in the afternoon, people are tryin' to sleep!

[Mummy is yelling in the basement]

Frylock: Shake? [Yelling Continues] Shake! Turn those damn monster movies do- [Notices nobody in the living room] Shake?

[Shake and Meatwad enter living room]

Master Shake: Who's watching my TV? Because I...
Meatwad: I bought the damn TV!
Frylock: Will you two shut up and listen! [Yelling Continues] It sounds like it's coming from the floorboards.
Shake: [Shake beats the floor with a bat] Will you SHUT UP?! It's three o'clock in the morning and I'm trying to sleep! [Frylock knocks out Shake with chloraphorm]
Meatwad: Hey, can I have some of that?
Frylock: Just go to sleep and we'll deal with it in the morning.
Meatwad: Yeah sure, I'll just go to sleep and tommorow morning I'm gonna call me a social worker. [Frylock prepares a dose of chloraphorm] And tell him I'm in unfit living conditions and the city will be over here so fast tha- oh. [Knocked out by chloraphorm]
Mummy: LUNCH! LUNCH!
Carl: I see that you found the Mummy there.
Frylock: You knew about this, Carl?
Carl: Oh yeah, yeah. I mean, You think you're weird? I mean, the guys before you… I don't care what you do behind closed doors, you know? But once you start puttin' mummies in the yard. Where I can see 'em. It becomes my business.
Mummy: HUNGRY! LUNCH!
Carl: They don't die neither. You're in it for the long haul, there. Why did you think why your rent was so low there, genius?
Frylock: Shut up and eat your cheese sandwich!
Frylock: You don't want to piss him off. He has the power to curse you.
Meatwad: Do it, Shake. Piss him off.
Shake: I do what I want, when I want, and how I want! And no mummy - you hear me, Band-Aid - NO MUMMY is gonna tell me, what to do!
Mummy: (the room darkens and energy spirals about) Currrrrrrse... Currrrrrrrrrse! CURRRRRRRRRRRSE!!! (falls over, motionless)
Shake: You done? Cuz I'm through liste--
Mummy: (curse restarts) CURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRSE!!!
Shake: Cuz I'm through listening to you. I got a curse for you, it's called "tomorrow morning, your ass is outta here." I'm going back to bed.
Mummy: Currrrrrse...
Shake: I heard it already! I know! It's a friggin' curse! It's like I'm living with a pack of friggin' animals.
Frylock: Uh, Shake, I think that mummy might have just put a curse on you.
Shake: Oh, gee, you think? 'Cause, you know, he only said it about a thousand times!
Frylock: Wow! Your eyes didn't even blister over!
Shake: Get your hands off me, brother! You've been touching that mummy! You know, I saw you hugging him in the basement.
Frylock: I wasn't hugging him!
Shake: Go hang out with your dead, mummified wife!
Frylock: I…I…I gotta go to my room now.
Shake: Mummy lover!
Meatwad: Why does he get the lobster?
Frylock: It's because he's the mummy, dammit!
Frylock: (reading) "The curse of the mummy is just a figure of speech. Vomiting locusts for a thousand years is just an old wive's tale. The real curse of the mummy is that he is completely socially inept, devoid of all manners, gold-digging, manipulative, and a selfish brat. Don't ever wake him unless you have a lot of time and money on your hands. Thank you for buying Mummies for Dummies.
Carl: [Wearing the Mummy's Hat] I'm the King! King Carl!
Mummy: [Yelling in the Background]
Carl: [Mimicing Egyptian Music] Da da da da daaa, you know I'm your ruler!
Mummy: CURSE! CUUURSE!
Carl: Huh hun huh hee, yeah [Mummy continuing to yell] SHUT UP!

[edit] Dumber Days

Meatwad: (levitating a boy in a car with his mind) I need complete concentration or the child will die.
Meatwad: A book?! No sir! Shake says that books is from the devil, and that TV is twice as fast.
Frylock: Twice as fast at what?
Meatwad: Information.
Meatwad: [Reading from "The Tiniest Bullfrog"] Jeremy the Bullfrog lived in a tiny swamp on the edge of town. Every day he would dream of playing professional basketball. But he lived in a swamp, far away from the city lights and a major market team.
Meatwad: Wait a second. This ain't a brain, it's a damn bee's nest.

[edit] Interfection

Dr Weird: (his head has shrunk and speaking in a high pitch voice) GENTLEMEN! TURN IT ON!
Steve: Ok (pushs a button to pump Dr Weird's head)
Dr Weird (head get bigger and bigger) Oww.. TURN IT OFF! TURN IT OFF!
Master Shake: Plaque is a figment of the liberal media and the dental industry to scare you into buying useless appliances and pastes. Now, I've read the arguments on both sides, and I haven't found any evidence yet to support the need to brush your teeth. Ever.
Meatwad: I don't know how you'd know; you ain't got no teeth.
Master Shake: Well I got rid of my teeth at a young age, because I'm straight. Teeth are for gay people. That's why fairies come and get 'em.
Meatwad: If teeth make me gay then sign me up, 'cause I wish I had 'em.
Master Shake: Well, I'm sorry, but if you can't learn that little lesson, then someone's going to get their little mouth stabbed shut with skewers! And then we'll see how easily the axe slices through the meat!
[Meatwad's eyes get big, then he starts bawling.]
Master Shake: All right, OK. Maybe that was a little huge. Listen, I would never hit you with an axe.
[Meatwad's sobs subside as he pauses for a second and looks up at Shake.]
Master Shake: … When you had skewers stabbed through your mouth.
[Meatwad immediately resumes crying.]
Master Shake: I would think one or the other would be enough!
Meatwad: All right! Five point nine percent over APR! You don't get that every day.
Master Shake: Are you kidding? With APR like that I could just die!
Wwwyzzerdd: It's so easy to use, and the surgery to implant it in the base of your skull is so painless, it's no wonder I'm #1!
Wwwyzzerdd: And after this 90-day trial, you will be judged and sentenced to a lifetime of interactive sports, news, and information. And we will continue to draw from your account, because banks don't care. It's not their money.
Wwwyzzerdd: But the skull implant comes in this decorative tin.
Frylock: Decorate this! [Uses eye lasers to blow up pop-up ad for the tin]
Wwwyzzerdd: Ok, ok, ok, ok! Fine! Fine, don't use our service. Get left in the digital dust! But remember, you could have won a Porsche.
Shake: Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize this was the Supreme frickin' Court here!
Meatwad: Neither did I.
Shake: Should I have my lawyer present for my frickin' trial?!
Meatwad: Yeah.
Shake: Computer, search for teeth and plaque conspiracy (pause), and Metallica.
Master Shake: Hey listen, could you get me some chicks that don't have the ZZ Top Lumberjack look? If I wanted to date Sasquatch, I'd call your mother. Ha! Ha!
Master Shake: Is it hot, girl-on-girl action?

[edit] PDA

Shake: Someone stole my PDA, and I will ruin this house with my anger!
Frylock: Look Shake, people usually get a PDA when they have a job, and friends, and a life!
Shake: Look, you, you, you happen to have no idea what I do for a living do you?
Frylock: You're damn right I don't! I saw you boil a hot dog today. Did you get paid for that?!
Shake: Because I don't have access to my scheduling book, because my PDA's gone!
Shake: Wha, oh come on! We're lookin' for my thing, together, we're like buds, it's cool. Hey, you fly. You go, why don't you go check the gutters.
Frylock: But, why would it be up in the gutters, Shake?
Shake: That's where your DVD burner ended up, when it decided not to work.
Frylock: Oh, I damn sure better not find that up there!
Master Shake: Well, that's the last place I remember chucking it.
[Frylock flies to the roof.]
Frylock: [yelling] Hey! Dammit! You did throw my DVD burner up here!
Meatwad: I have some parents, Frylock?
Frylock: Hell no, you don't have any damn parents!
Captain: This is your captain speaking and welcome to the glass-bottom boat ride at the world famous Trenton Tar Pits. I just wanna let you all know I'm a convicted sex offender.
Meatwad: Tar, well, I tell ya if I wanna smell like a shingle, I go get my frisbee and my tanktop and my Captain EO out of the gutter.
Frylock: There ain't nothin' down here but tar and condom wrapper! This is gross!
Captain: All right, and I'm back, ladies and gentlemen. They won't be bothering us anymore. I chased them off with my nudity...does that arouse anyone down there, or...
Meatwad: What does that mean?
Frylock: It means that we're gonna get off this boat right now.
Captain: Okay, and we've docked...and I feel a little sexy.
Frylock: Come ON, Shake!
Captain: Who down there wants to meet the captain? And feel sexy with him.
Meatwad: Oooh, I do, I wanna meet the captain!
Frylock: No, you don't.
Shake: Ah, jee whiz! This is the greatest gift I ever got in my life that I never wanted ever!
Romulox: Oh, I didn't see your knock-offs there, nice. Are you goin' for the ironic look, or the look-I-don't-have-any-money look?
Shake: I don't know, which one would you do?
Meatwad: What's wrong with your elbow?
Romulox: Oh, you didn't get that surgery. I'm sorry.
Meatwad: We don't have insurance.
Romulox: Only two people have the easy-flow elbow, and one of them happens to be named Bruce Willis.

[edit] Mail Order Bride

Frylock: Santa's coming tonight Meatwad, so I really need your Christmas list—
Meatwad: Here.
Frylock: …and if you've been a good boy this year, you may just get this…this L-shaped thing.
Meatwad: No, see, what that is, is a hair dryer.
Frylock: You want a hair dryer?
Meatwad: Yeah.
Frylock: For what? You don't have any-
Meatwad: Keep reading, next to the hair dryer.
Frylock: This—this is a squiggle.
Meatwad: No, that's hair. You read it backwards, fool. So go get it.
Carl: Oh, man. I cannot wait. I got the oils, the candles, the works! When does that babe get here?
Master Shake: Carl, don't refer to her as a "babe", please. She is a Chechnyan prostitute, and you will address her as such.
Carl: Look, just don't cash that check immediately. I wanna make sure that both of us marryin' her is gonna be, you know, legal.
Master Shake: Of course it is! What are you kidding me? Santa Claus ain't legal and he's around.
Carl: Well, I guess that makes sense, you know.
Shake: Look merry, dammit!
Meatwad: Shoo, that sure was a good sleep I had. WHERE ARE THE DAMN PRESENTS?!
Frylock: It's 4:00 in the afternoon Meatwad, that wasn't Santa.
Meatwad: Well, you know, maybe Santa's just gettin' a jump start on things this year. 'Cause, you know, statistics they show that there are more people in the world today. That's China's fault.
Frylock: Where do you get this information?
Meatwad: Regis.
[Carl has broken his neck.]
Carl: Hey, get back here! I think I need some help here!
Master Shake: Yeah, I know you do.
[Shake walks away.]
Carl: You get back here!
[on a ladder]
Carl: Look, would you just hold it.
Shake: I can DO two things at the same time!
Carl: No, ya can't!
Shake: Well, there ain't gonna be no dinner this year.
Frylock: What about your girlfriend. I thought she was gonna cook.
Shake: "Co-fiancee." Let's get it right, please.
Frylock: "Co-"?
Shake: Yeah, you know, I'll split her with Carl. So he's "co-owner."
Frylock: You're depraved.
Shake: Yes, thank you, I think she sees that quality in me.
Carl: Hey fry-man, you think I can get you to come over here and uh, blow a frickin' hole in my wall.
Frylock: What's wrong, Carl?
Carl: Well, for starters, she's barricaded herself inside the house. And every time she talks to me, it's in this, like, language. It's like some demon yelling at me, or something!

[edit] Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future

Cybernetic Ghost: Now in the future, the past has occurred.
Carl: You're the Ghost of Christmas Past...right?
Cybernetic Ghost: That is correct.
Carl: Okay, well...I mean, you know that it's February...right?
Cybernetic Ghost: [pause] I am a robot.
Carl: Well, you know, obviously. What are you, stupid?
Cybernetic Ghost: [stutters] I will see you in December, tomorrow!
Carl: Okay, whatever there, just lock your door on the way-
Cybernetic Ghost: [breaks through the wall] Do what?
Carl: Nevermind, just leave!
[Flashback to Carl's house on Christmas in the 1960s]
Carl::[opening his present] Oh boy oh boy oh boy I hope this is a new mommy!
Carl's Dad: Yea, its not. Now hurry up and open your present ya little creep, we gotta be at work in an hour.
Carl: What is this, is this carpet daddy?
Carl's Dad: Carpet? No. That's Burba, its an industry term.
Carl: Gee look daddy its a magic flyin' carpet through Egyptland!
Carl's Dad::[Cuts Carl off] Don't get to attached to it there Aladdin, 'cause its about to be magic flyin' dinner.
Carl::[looking worried] Silly daddy, y-you c-can't eat carpet.
Carl's Dad: Hehe, not like that you can't. You gotta boil it, till the glue gets soft.:[looks at his watch] Oh jeez, look at the time!
Carl: But its Christmas daddy!
Carl's Dad: You're not getting out of this one! Put on your work boots and your respirator! I pulled ALOT of strings to get them to hire an 8 year old.
Carl::[Muttering to himself] Don't make me go, don't make me go...
Carl's Dad: C'MON, WE'RE LATE!!!!
[Robot appears and lasers shoot everywhere]
Cybernetic Ghost: And that is where babies come from … for machines.
Meatwad: Boy, that's some story. That...kinda is different from what I been told about people loving each other...and, you know, physics.
Cybernetic Ghost: No! That is very wrong! You cling to your pathetic fable of fluid exchange.
Carl: (after finding his swimming pool filled with blood) It looks like someone wrung a herd of cows through a juicer or something!
Frylock: Wait, wait...who unionized?
Cybernetic Ghost: Wouldn't you like to know? Probably yo mamma.
Meatwad: Man, it makes me sad they had to open their gifts in front of an ape and they were all made out of doodoo. What kinda Christmas is that?!
Frylock: It's okay Meatwad. This is all a bunch of bull.
Cybernetic Ghost: You don't believe?
Frylock: Believe what? That you're a ghost and Santa Claus is an ape? That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever-
Cybernetic Ghost: Was an ape. Now he is a machine!
Meatwad: I left cookies and a glass of milk FOR A MACHINE?!!
Cybernetic Ghost: No man, he's an ape [They look at him questioningly] I mean, wait he is a machine! You were trying to mess me up on purpose!
Frylock: But I thought everyone back then was undeveloped? Couldn't make machines with their crinkled hands.
Cybernetic Ghost: Well the elves came from the red planet, and there was much defecation.
Frylock: Yeah, yeah, you mentioned that. How long ago did you say this was?
Cybernetic Ghost: [Fog rolls in] Thousands of years ago-
Frylock: Oh shut up! You still haven't explained why the pool is filled with elf blood!
Cybernetic Ghost: I told you earlier, it was the Great Circuiting.
Frylock: You didn't mention no "Great Circuiting".
Cybernetic Ghost: Oh, I didn't? [pause] Thousands of years ago...
Master Shake: I hate to be a buzz kill, but he said that your house is on elf graves and they're pissed off.
Carl: All right, fine, we'll do that.
Meatwad: And the blood's just gonna keep flowing, unless ….
Cybernetic Ghost: Unless Carl pays tribute to the Elfin Elders in space.
Carl: I'll do it. What do I do?
Cybernetic Ghost: You must give of yourself to the Great Red Ape.
Carl: Okay … how much?
Cybernetic Ghost: Sexually.
Carl: … wonderful.
Carl: What did you say your name was again?
Glenn Danzig: Danzig, mother fucker! I got a question: can you make the blood flow up the walls?
Cybernetic Ghost: I don't see why not.
Carl: That's elf blood, too. That ain't cheap--
Glenn Danzig: How much you want?
Carl: Oh, I dunno … a million?
Glenn Danzig: Killer. Draft the check tomorrow.
Carl: You're serio--thank you God!
Glenn Danzig: Now look, you listen to me as hard as you fucking can. That fucking robot came with the fucking house, and now he's fucking gone! If you see that mother--
Master Shake: Oh, don't worry, we'll tell you!
Glenn Danzig: You fucking better. If I find out he's over here, I'm gonna be eating my cereal out of the bottom of your fucking skull! Verstandlich?!!
Cybernetic Ghost: (about Danzig) I cannot stand that guy. He is so annoying, he is so frightening, and he doesn't wear a shirt.
Master Shake: You make our house bleed right now!

[edit] Season 2

[edit] Super Birthday Snake

Frylock: Meatwad, can you hear me?
Meatwad [slurred]: You give me another beer. I'm 21!
Frylock: Oh, great, he's drunk!
Meatwad: I'm not drunk! You're the drunk one! Are you gonna do somethin' about it?
Master Shake: Yeah, I'll do something about it. How about THAT? [kicks Meatwad]
Meatwad: Ow!
Master Shake: You like that?
Meatwad: Do that to my face! What, you scared? [gets kicked] Ow! You did it again!
[Meatwad is repeatedly kicked until the snake faces Shake]
Meatwad: You son of a bitch!
Master Shake: This is stupid. Let's kick him out of here. [kicks Meatwad a couple more times, then turns to the snake] What are you looking at?
Meatwad: Frylock, please. That was a computer simulation program. And it proved to me that you don't know what I like and what I like to do. And that is to tell you what to do. And you need to listen to what I say 'cause I'm gonna eat your brains!
Meatwad: You killed us! I told you not to do it and you did it… anyways.
Frylock: No, I didn't!
Master Shake: Yes, you did.
Carl: You so frickin' did!
Carl: Yeah, I can't pretend to know what you're going through right now, but…you let go, okay. Thank you. If you need anything, you know who to look to: Someone else.
Frylock: If only we wouldn't have gotten him that pet.
Carl: Don't beat yourself up over it. There's nothing you could do about this. I mean, it kinda was your fault but hey, screw it. They're dead and you're not.
[Carl is at Frylock's door]
Carl: Here. It's a Fruit Roll-Up. I was gonna make ya a tuna casserole for your loss, but... but uh... I didn't.
Frylock: Mmm, thanks.
Carl: I was gonna yell my brains out at ya, but because of your loss, I might just gently ask: What happened last night with all the noise?
Frylock: Uh, Carl, Carl. Why don't you get outta my face before I carve you up like a Christmas goose. You wanna taste of what I did to that snake? 'Cause I'll give to you.
Carl: Fryman. Lay in. You've changed [Frylock stabs Carl]
Frylock: Ah, for the better?
[Frylock dumps Carl's body in a dumpster]
Frylock: There goes the neighborhood.

[edit] Super Hero

Shake: He wanted me to give you these cell phones. They link you directly to the man himself.
Frylock: He's giving us a cell phone?
Meatwad: There's no text messaging. This a suck phone.
Frylock: Wow, you know that's really, amazingly lame.
Shake: [Answering phone] Drizzle here.
Meatwad: Hello, yes Drizzle. Violent criminals have put...Fat Albert, what, what it's...
Frylock: No, no, it's Prince Albert.
Meatwad: Oh, have put...Fat Albert in a can, in your can.
Shake: I'll need precise coordinates maam.
Meatwad: Oh okay, it's...it's in your butt, boy! [snickering] It's in your butt! Did you hear me? It's in your butt.
Shake: Pranksters! Sons of-
Frylock: Shake, the printer called and said that The Drizzle's stationary and business cards are ready. But they're concerned what with the paper being black and the ink being black.
Shake: Everything must be black, like the Storm of Justice!
Frylock: Well maybe you'd better talk to them. [Holding a bouncing eye contraption] And this is blocking up the hallway.
Shake: The Eye of Justice. The Drizzle is lost without it.
Meatwad: Howdy villains, I'm Mr. Mister. Watch your back crime. When I get pissed, you get mist.
Shake: You can expect a forecast of vengeance in the near future.
Shake: I'm not asking you if people will be able to write on it, I'm telling you I want black on black!
Frylock: [Bringing in a package] This just came for The Drizzle.
Shake: Who's The Drizzle?
Frylock: Well, we don't know that, do we? But he owes me 40 bucks for this C.O.D.
Frylock: Where are you going?
Shake: I'm going to let The Fume know that he needs to let the rest of the world know that he exists.

[Later that evening]

TV Announcer: Downtown is in flames tonight as a mysterious arsonist...
Frylock: Ah no, Shake. You messed up this time.
Meatwad: I'm calling Japan.
Shake: WHO THE HELL DO YOU KNOW IN JAPAN??!! NOBODY!!!
Meatwad: Hello, Japan?
Shake: NO!!
Meatwad: Yes, connect me to Godzilla, please.
Shake: [takes phone away] YOU DON'T GET ONE! I told the Drizzle you'd mess this up! It hasn't been five minutes and you already did!

[edit] Super Bowl

Meatwad: Enchiladitos…They make you wanna eato!
Meatwad: Hey Carl.
Carl: Hey, hey, hey, just the man I wanted to see. I done heard through the grape vine that someone won a big prize recently.
Meatwad: Yup, I won two tickets to the Super Ball.
Carl: No, it's, it's bowl. It's cute that you said that 'cause you's a frickin' idiot.
Meatwad: Why do you have those oven mitts on?
Shake: I'm not touching you skin-to-skin! -I mean, it's extra padding, it's for your pleasure
Meatwad: I'm not entirely comfortable with the level of asbestos in these mitts
Shake: Just take deep breaths…breathe it in and die! Give me those tickets!
Meatwad: Yep, Super Bowls are fun. We got braggin' rights this year. Number One.
Shake: Who?
Meatwad: Number One.
Shake: Who's Number One?
Meatwad: I don't know.
Shake: You don't know…because you went to a fucking farm, you fucking imbecile!
[Meatwad leaves.]
Shake: Get back here! You cost me my one chance! I GOT MOTHERFUCKING DIABETES AND CANCER BECAUSE OF YOU!!!!
Carl: (playing football with Meatwad) Okay, so you've got the ball. Now you wanna wrap your..... uhhhh, you know that stretchy little, sticky thing........
Meatwad: (Grabbing the football and pushing it into his face, distorting his features) Like this?
Carl: No.
Meatwad: (With the football sitting on his head, and four "arms" of meat waving around) What about this?
Carl: (frowning) No, not like.... that either..... no....
Meatwad: (With the ball in his mouth) How about this?
Carl: Oh.... whatever. It's........... going right in the trash after this, so...uhhh,... yeah, let 'er rip
Meatwad: (spits out the football)
Carl: Yeah, hooray.... we won! Who are you taking to the super-bowl?
Carl: Okay, time out here. Look, ever since my son was...never conceived since I've never had consensual sex without there being money involved, I've always thought of you as something that I could sorta...live next to...in accordance with state laws.
Meatwad: That's so sweet. You tryin' to say that you love me.
Carl: Whoah, let's not go too far there.
[Carl puts on a foam "#1" glove.]
Carl: [angrily] WHO ARE YOU TAKING TO THAT FREAKIN' SUPERBOWL?!
Meatwad: Carl, your finger!
Shake: [To Meatwad] Who are you taking?
Carl: Yeah, who are you takin'?
Frylock: Carl? How did you get in here?
Carl: The window, jackass. WHO ARE YOU TAKIN'?!?!?!

[edit] Super Model

Meatwad: Boy, sure is nice not havin' Shake around.
Frylock: Yeah, it is odd that he'd go down to Guatemala and be missionary. In fact, it's not true.
Meatwad: Look here, he can be down on a prom date with Santa Claus on the moon for all I care. 'Point is, I can do whatever I want with my toys.
Frylock: Put up your toys.
Meatwad: Shut up.
Meatwad: Look here, you want your blue jean ad?
Master Shake: More than anything.
Frylock: A "blue jean ad?!" Look Shake, alotta times the media tries to present an image that isn't exactly true to life. I mean, you understand what I'm sayin', right?
Master Shake: No, I do, I do. I understand that some people, Meatwad, don't look good, and that they should hide from the cameras at all costs. It's the beautiful people that are the smart ones, and it's that very same smartness that makes them rich.
Frlock: Shake, people are different all over. I mean, it's not how you look on the outside, it's what inside that counts.
Master Shake: Thank you dad. I get the message. Is that what you're tryin' ta tell 69SoFine?
Frylock: You read my e-mail?!
Master Shake: You think she gets that you're a fireman yet?
Frylock: ...Well, screw you!
Master Shake: Oh, good one. Never heard that one before. Boy do I feel burned.
Meatwad: [to a convalescent Shake] Whoa little piggy! Have some self control. You know nothin' grosses me out more than fat people…like you.
Shake: I'm fat?
Meatwad: As hell! Have you seen yourself? I would not eat any more…'less you gonna get rid of it, you know what I mean?
Shake: What do you mean?
Meatwad: I'm not talkin' 'bout digestion. I'm talkin' 'bout this [mimes sticking his finger down his throat]
Frylock: Meatwad, no!
[Master Shake and Meatwad go to Carl for a plastic surgeon]
Meatwad: We callin' in da pros now. Is your buddy out of prison yet?
Carl: Which one, 'cause there's three.
Meatwad: Oh, you know which one. The guy that was in the hotel with the people...and the welding.
Carl: Oh Terry, yeah, yeah, he's out, but uh part of his parole is he's not supposed ta, you know do what he was doin'...to flesh.
Master Shake: We need him, otherwise people are gonna look at me and wonder what could have been.
Carl: All right, whatever. We'll meet at the docks at midnight. I get a 10% finder's fee. You never saw me.
Master Shake: Fine, but I'll need a receipt, 'cause this is a business expense.
Meatwad: Whoa! What happened to your butt? It's like a little shelter down here!
Meatwad: Shhh! You hear that? That's the sound of him not being here. You can thank me for that later.
Meatwad: So... your friend does good work, huh?
Carl: Yeah. He mostly does hot rods. Sometimes faces.

[edit] Super Spore

Meatwad: Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey y'all know what would be fun? If I get in that pool.
Frylock: And how long has it been since lunch?
Meatwad: Well... (Meatwad ponders) Six seconds.
Frylock: And I just saw you eat 40 hot dogs, didn't I?
Meatwad: 40? No, 48.
Frylock: You have to wait twenty minutes Meatwad.
Master Shake: Why don't we let him in now and we'll watch him cramp up and get sucked into the filter and jam it all up
Frylock: Huh... So he's using Shake as his vessel to communicate with us.
Meatwad: Well hell, I figured that out. He done got 90 eyes and no mouth. Where else he gonna talk? Through his butt?
Frylock: Meatwad, he won't have a butt. I mean most aliens recycle their waste for fuel. [Travis starts leaking waste out of his body] Obviously, this one doesn't.

Frylock: He's five dollars, go see a movie

Shake: Motion pictures are ten dollars
Frylock: Okay fine then, here's ten
Shake: But what about popcorn?
Frylock: Shut up, Shake, he's trying to say something!
Master Shake: I'll tell you what he's trying to say: "I need somebody to kick me in the ass so I can get the hell off your land!" That's what you're trying to say, right?
Master Shake: Hey, how ya doing? I think I need to go to the doctor. Cause I've been losing long, long tracks of time now, and... and I'm starting to get just a little freaked out about the fact that my hand is missing. I can't find it.
Frylock: Shake you'll be fine. That hole in your head will heal up in no time.
Master Shake: Hole? Oh thats great. I'm sure it was drilled on one of those days I can't remember.
Travis: I rule you!
Meatwad: Frylock, he says he rules us!
Frylock: That's it mister, time-out for you!
Travis: Oh, damn.
Frylock: What did I just hear you say?
Meatwad: Well I heard him, he said damn, damn it. Only adults like us are allowed to say damn, bitch, ass, and hell. So get your hellin', damnin' ass back in that bitchin' damn room, damn it! [Then sees Frylock staring at him angrily] What? DAMN!! I was just helpin' you out bitch!
Carl: Hey who's your dead friend? He's dead.

[Meatwad, Frylock and Travis start leaving]

Carl: Oh what? You're leavin'? What are you doin' you haven't even finished urinating on all of my house yet.

[edit] Super Sir Loin

Sir Loin: Hey! You the little joker that's been sendin' me sand?
Meatwad: Yes
Sir Loin: Man, what's wrong with you? What're you, the Sandman or somethin'? Get it together boy!
Meatwad: But, it's for the Shorties.
Frylock: It's for the EPA is what it's for.
Sir Loin: What? Hey, who's that? You ain't supposed to bring people unless they dead. Is he dead? I don't think so.
Meatwad: If the shorteez can't have food, then I ain't gonna have food. You know what I'm saying? (He throws the sandcakes in the garbage can) I do this for the shorteez, ya'll.
Shake: Yeah, take it to church, dump it in the collection plate. You know, you're the rudest person I know, and that's why you don't live here anymore. I--
(Meatwad takes Shake's breakfast)
Shake: Hey! My steak and eggs!
Frylock: Steak and eggs?!
Meatwad: This is for the shorteez.
Frylock: All I got is a mug of oatmeal!
Shake: Listen, we're on a budget. What do you want me to do?
Meatwad: (taking Frylock's mug) Thank you very much.
Frylock: Hey, damn it! I was going to eat that.
Meatwad: Oh, gee whiz, I'm so sorry to inconvenience you while other people in the world don't got nothin' to eat.
Shake: Thanks for sanding up my eggs. You know what, just take them...when you leave the country. I banish you forevermore!
Shake: Can someone please explain to me what happened to my duckling a l'orange?
Frylock: We had duckling a l'orange?
Shake: You don't even know how to say it, so stop...try it once. No, forget it. You know what? You're gonna try it and then you're gonna screw the name up, and then it's gonna sound disgusting. I won't even want to eat it anymore. Thanks. Thanks for ruining my lunch, which is gone, by the way.
Frylock: Have you looked in the fridge?
Shake: [sarcastically] Oh, brainstorm! Alert the internet, I got a genius on my han... oh wait a minute. It's already open, 'cause that's where I put it when it was shipped in from Alsace!
Meatwad: Try looking deep within your heart and ask it where it wanted that duck to go.
Shake: Down your throat, you bug-eyed freak! You know how much that duck cost!? Higher than you can count!


Sir Loin: Hey, Satan my man! What's up man?
Satan: SHUT UP!!! [fire blows Sir Loin away] I'M ON THE PHONE HERE!!!
Meatwad: Don't you see Frylock? He's gonna use all that fly spit to melt down the walls of the national bank.
Sir Loin: That's right.
Meatwad: He's angry at banks.
Sir Loin: Hate the bank-- .....STUPID-ASS MEATBALL MOTHER-- I MELT THE WALLS SO I CAN GET THE MONEY!!! To keep up with the payments on this here patio furnature which by the way is broken now 'cause I broke it thank you very much. Ever seen a cow sit on a patio furniture? I ain't! Look at that umbrella, man, I ATE HALF OF IT!
Meatwad: Hey, Carl!
Carl: Oh, great.... you've seen me...
Meatwad: Hey, you wanna contribute to Sir Loin's hunger drive? We're gonna feed the shorties, y'all.
Carl: Yeah, lemme see here, I think I've got some... uhhh.... oysters over here. (Horks into the bag of food)
Meatwad: Oh, thank you
Carl: Be sure to thank Sir Loin for keeping me up all night!
Meatwad: Yeah, I'll do that. Hey, I thought that... oysters had shells.
Carl: Oh, usually, but not these. They were, uh... farm raised.... in my throat.... with cheese. Hey, you want some crabs, 'cause I've got some of them.
Meatwad: No, no... my bag's pretty full right now.
Carl: I don't know if they're Alaskan King, but.... they feel huge
Frylock: What the hell happened to you??
Sir Loin: YOU tell me! One minute, I'm going in for a job interview and the next, BOOM, I'm in Hell!

[edit] Super Squatter

Shake: All right, truth time. Tomorrow morning, you and me, we get those bills paid together.
Frylock: Shake, tomorrow is Sunday!
Shake: You're right, church!
[The cable goes out as a result of Shake not paying the bills.]
Frylock: There goes the cable.
Shake: Terrorists!
Shake: Look, we've got electricity and we've got each other.
[Their power goes out.]
Shake: …Look, we've got each other.
Meatwad: Hey, how come the shower ain't workin'?
Shake: I don't know. Probably maybe something you did to anger God.
Meatwad: Yeah-huh.
Shake: Yeah, he's mad at you all right. I spoke to him at the Last Supper. They had good fish there.
Frylock: Meatwad, no!
Shake: Meatwad, YES!
Meatwad: Well all right!
Frylock: Well I'm just glad that you finally learned some responsibility. [goes outside and sees dozens of extension cords hooked up to Carl's house] In the most ass way possible.
[Carl accidentally shot himself in the foot. Shake is still watching TV]
Carl: I didn't think it was loaded, I was just sorta checkin' the barrel there, and...
Shake: Yeah, and the gun went off in your hand. I know, I was there, I heard. Why do you think I cranked up the volume? You know, hearing does not come back. It degrades over time.
[Shake, Frylock, and Meatwad are dragging Carl, who accidentally shot his foot, in a cart]
Carl: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Frylock: Carl, calm down! We'll be there in a couple of hours, okay?
Carl: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

[edit] The Meat Zone

Master Shake: I've got something, there's science behind this, and legend.
Master Shake: The only way to cross the street, is just to close your eyes and bolt out there with complete disregard for machine.
Meatwad: Can I just keep one eye open?
Master Shake: Yeah, if you think you can get anywhere in life by cheating. You may as well paint yourself yellow, run around like a maniac, and call yourself Banana Man, cause that's what you're doing.
Master Shake: Now what did we learn today?
Meatwad: Pedestrian always has the right of way.
Master Shake: Yes! Except...
Meatwad: When you in the way.

[Feces is raining down on Master Shake and Carl from their "oil rig"]

Master Shake: Yeah! We're rich! Black gold, Texas tea!
Carl: Oh man. Is it supposed to stink like this?
Master Shake: Yeah, that's why it's called "crude" Carl.
Carl: [Angrily] No it's not, we hit my septic tank you jackass!

[edit] Super Trivia

Meatwad: It's over Frylock. We lost again. Just let it go and accept the truth that we is dumb…dumb as hell.
Shake: He's right for the most part. We got us a superstar. And we got two albacores that are just hangin around my neck.
Frylock: Albatrosses.
Shake: Yep. It's like the rhyme of the marinade happening all over again.
Frylock: All right, how're we doin'?
Meatwad: Fine.
Shake: No, we're not doing that. My eyes..are thirsty as hell. Who do you think you are?
Frylock: I'm the only US President to serve 2 non-consecutive terms in the oval office.
Shake: Then that would make you Grover Cleveland and-- Why is this coming out of my mouth?!
Frylock: Meatwad, how many non-consecutive terms did Grover Cleveland serve?
Meatwad: I'm fine. Everything's fine like wine.
Frylock: Why don't we just...unhook you..
Shake: I got this thing embedded in my ass!
Frylock: Oh, shoot, I'm sorry about that.
Shake: What is it? It looks like an Ethiopian toilet seat.
Frylock: It's just a basketball hoop.
Shake: What is this "bas-ket-ball" you speak of?
Frylock: Oh, hell, I forgot to put sports on the DVD!
Shake: And what is this "sports" you speak of?
Frylock: Okay, here's the deal, we're playing team trivia tonight and we need someone who knows sports.
Carl: Hey, here's a trivia question: Why would I wanna do that?
Carl: Yeah, the chicks. Where are they Fryman?
Frylock: Oh, they're in the back…moistening their T-shirts for the…jello wrestling.
Carl: He-heyy, now you're speakin' my language. He he, I knew you wasn't gay.
Frylock: Is that why you're not sitting with the rest of the team, Carl?
Carl: What, are you kiddin'? No, I'm not doin' that.
Carl: Hey, there's a broad-there's a broad right the-Hey! Yeah you, dingbat! I wanna pitcher a beer, fried jalapenos, the nachos grande, and, uh, let's start with 50 wings extra hot and keep the ranch comin'. he he, you hear what I ordered? I'm gonna be fartin' blood over here.
Ned Hastings: Ladies and gentlemen, turn around and face your trivia doom: Wayne "The Brain" McClane.
Frylock: You're going down tonight, Wayne. Carl, we need to name our team. Something tough.
Carl: I turned it in, Fryman. We're good.
Ned Hastings: And our other...competing squad: the One-Eyed Wonder Weasels and Their Two Balls.
Meatwad: So it IS grass. I'm eatin' it.
Meatwad: Hey, should we get Shake? 'Cause he's gettin' eaten by aphids.
Frylock: Nah. He'll get a ride.
Ned Hastings: When traveling at a subsonic speed during the last one hour of hyper sleep, which vector of the Romulan Nebula will suffer the wrath of the impenetrable quickening? And, for extra points, how many raths to the nearest molton? Be specific. This is a real question.
Frylock: Aw, hell.
Carl: So uh, when are we doin' the sports part here?
Frylock: We're not, we didn't, it's over, we lost, DID YOUR ASS GET ENOUGH WINGS?!
Carl: (Points to a table full of scraps)UH, you tell me does this look like I got enough?!
Frylock: How do you spell that?
Shake': (while half asleep)L...e...s...b...i...a...n...
Frylock:L..e..s..b..i..a..n.. Shut up, you're spelling Lesbian!
Carl: (while eating wings) haha...he said lesbian.

[edit] Universal Remonster

Frylock: Shake, he's out of batteries.
Shake: No, he's being lazy!
Oglethorpe: Put back my eyes so that I might furrow my brow, und express the anger I am feeling!
Frylock He's dead.
Oglethorpe: IMPOSSIBLE!!! The Remonster can only be killed by stabbing him in the heart with the ancient bone saber of Zumakalis!
Emory: Or probably his head or lungs too, just stab him wherever, really.
Oglethorpe: And the saber probably doesn't have to be bone.
Emory: Yeah, really, just like anything sharp just laying around the house.
Oglethorpe: You could poke him with a pillow and kill him.
Oglethorpe: We have successfully traveled eons across both space and time, through the Fargate......... to get FREE CABLE!
Emory: I think it's a st- Star...gate....
Oglethorpe: It's the Fargate! "F"! It's different from that movie that I've never seen, so how would I copy it?
Emory: Chill, man. It's allright, let's just turn it on!
'Oglethorpe: I just want to make sure that we are clear it's the Fargate! "Goes far", get it? And there it is no way it came from that movie, or that syndicated series based on the movie!
Emory: But.... it sure was a good movie.....
Oglethorpe: Yeah, yes it was...
Master Shake: (Attacking the TV) Who's laughing now, bitch? Piece of crap cable!
Frylock: What are you doing?
Master Shake: Maintenance! Shut up!
Meatwad: No, no, no.... don't shake it up, let the snow settle! That way you can see the little San Fransisco in there!
Master Shake: (Enthusiastically) Well, come here! Let's see if we can see it together!
Meatwad: Okay!
Master Shake: (Kicking Meatwad offscreen) HA! It's not a snowglobe, you IGNORAMUS!
Frylock: How many TV's have you broken this year?
Master Shake: A lot more than you have!
Emory: Why don't we just...uhhhh....what if we just call him the Universal Remobot? I mean, he is a robot...
Oglethorpe: But Remonster is his name, his brand name
Emory: This whole monster kinda thing feels a little tacked on, actually.
Oglethorpe: I mean, the T-shirts say "Universal Remonster", not "Universal Piece of Crap", like you say!
Emory: Oh, wow, you made T-shirts! That's cool.
Oglethorpe: Yeah, let me go get you one!
Emory: Wow, is that a Powerpuff Girl or something?
Oglethorpe: No! Can you not see? She has a mohawk and a wheelchair! We are NOT getting sued! Where's the Universal Remonster? I want him to have a baby-T and a visor!
Emory: Oh, man.... I think he went through the Starga-
Oglethorpe: It is a FARGATE! From the makers of Findependence Day! We will give it a mohawk and a wheelchair if we need help!
Tv puppet: Lean to your left!
Meatwad: OK (leans left)
Tv puppet: Lean to your right!
Meatwad: Right! (Leans right)
Tv puppet: Lead to your left!
Meatwad: Oh, over here? (Leans further right)
Tv puppet: Uh-uh, that's your right!
Meatwad: Awwww, dammit!
Frylock: Okay, Meatwad, that's good
Meatwad: I never get tired of hearing that
Frylock: (Floating near the tv chair) Now what's this over here? (Gestures on the right side)
Meatwad: That's a chair
Frylock: No, I mean is it left, or is it right?
Meatwad: Well, it's a chair, and it's right over there
Frylock: Look, you don't need TV, it just ends up owning you. Next time you get bored try reading a book.
Oglethorpe: We have no need to read. Behold! The mohawk of eternity!
Frylock: You guys are high!
Oglethorpe: No. Dude.
Emory: What? Are you cool man?
Oglethorpe: Yeah, are you cool?
Frylock: Yep, I think it's about time we invested in a high definition plasma screen.
Meatwad: I thought you said TV was bad.
Frylock: It is, but we f***ing need it!
Emory: Ow! DAMN! You hit me in the chin! [with a lamp]
Oglethorpe: Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were a ghoul.
Emory: Well I'm not.
Oglethorpe: Well it was your own damn fault for making noises like a ghoul.
Emory: Dude, I was flushing the toilet!
Oglethorpe: Ghouls do that. When they're making brownies!
Oglethorpe: He's not a monster! Monsters are supposed to be scary with claws und angry feet!

[edit] Total Re-Carl

Dr Weird (On answering machine): Gentlemen, You have reached Dr. Weird's residence now speak at the tone (BEEP).
Frylock: We also made you a care package for your little adventure.
Carl: Oh boy, fiber tablets. Yum yum.
Frylock: Yeah, dip them in the stool softener. I mean it's, it's delicious.
[Long pause.]
Frylock: There's espresso there too.
Carl: Leave!
[Frylock has put Carl's head on a robotic body.]
Frylock: I give you the ultimate in military hardware! Complete with laser cannon, indestructible titanium exoskeleton, and motion activated plasma pulse rifles.
Master Shake: And you're gonna plug him in?!
Frylock: You're right. Damn, what the hell was I thinking?
Meatwad: Fudge!
Frylock: That's not an F-bomb.
Meatwad: Fudge you!
[Carl's head is mounted on a remote controlled truck and it keeps ramming into Frylock's computer desk.]
Carl: Turn it left, turn it left! I keep hitting the same spot. Look you're gonna break my friggin' nose.
Frylock: Sorry Carl, I still haven't gotten used to the..
Carl: Just gimmie the damn thing!
Frylock: This switch makes it go left and right, and this switch is power.
Carl: Which lever sort of turns me to the lawyer, [pissed] and makes me sue the hell out of you?


Master Shake: We don't need a toilet. The pile of clothes in the hallway has worked fine for us for years, and it will continue to work.
Meatwad: I don't know whose clothes that is, but, someone ain't wearin' that again, I tell you that.
Master Shake: If I woke up looking like that, I would run towards the nearest living thing and kill it.
Frylock: Carl, did you lose somethin' behind the couch?
Carl: Yeah, I did! I lost peace and quiet! What do you need?! What do you want?! Can I not just live here without having to occasionally deal with you animals?!
Frylock: Well, yeah, it's your house.
Carl: That's right it is.
Frylock: And look what I just added to it!
Carl: (Frylock opens Carl's door to reveal his 'super-toilet' out in the front yard) Oh, nice. A crapper!
Carl: (translated via computer) Oh man, I swear to f***ing God Fry-man. I'm so f***ing pissed right now. Oh, and by the way I hope you enjoy eating your own s***, because I'm about to rip your motherf***ing throat out, and shove it so far up your ass, that you'll have to fart to f***ing breathe, F***er.
Schooly D: Man, I ain't trying to watch Carl take no criznap, baby.

[edit] Revenge of the Trees

Carl: All right, have a crappy weekend. Hope your house burns down.
Frylock: Look what do you call it when he...when he wants to get out of this?
Tree Judge: Oh that's the sweet release of death...yeah...EVISCERATION BY A THOUSAND BRANCHES OF A MIGHTY OAK!!!
Master Shake: (Trying to imitate tree) Typical! Filthy humans! You have no respect for us trees!
Shrub: He ripped my arms off!
Master Shake: Shut up! I didn't rip them!
Frylock: Shake, you're making it worse!
Master Shake: Go back to your "Strip Malls!"....where values are king....
Meatwad: Have you seen my wife?!
Tree Judge: (having an aside conversation) I have been on the bench for 100 years, I'm not going to look stupid here, Ray.
Tree Stenographer: We know...We know you've been there 100 years, we all know that.
Tree Judge: Well look it up
Tree Stenographer: Like, no. You look it up. The book's always...I always have to get it.
Tree Judge: Ok. Umm...We don't know...We're trees!
Tree Judge: How old is the defendant?
Frylock: He's uhhhh..... twenty-one
Tree Judge: TWENTY-ONE?!?
Master Shake: (to Frylock) Eighteen!
Frylock: How 'bout eighteen?
Tree Judge:............. EIGHTEEN?!?
Master Shake: No wait, sixteen
Tree Stenographer: Umm, I think he's sixteen, ok?
Tree Judge: We shall find his age! CUT HIM IN HALF! COUNT HIS RINGS!!!
Tree Judge:Wood Court is now in session. If you do not have a lawyer, this shrub will be appointed for you.
Shrub: Guilty! Guilty! My clients plead guilty!
Master Shake: Shut Up!
Tree Judge: Please note Exhibit A: on the wooden video, you will clearly see the accused dumping the oil!
Master Shake: Frylock, I'm telling you, that's not me in that video.... Because that's nothing! There's nothing up there! What the hell is th- this is bark!
Tree Stenograper: Is the defendant a minor?
Master Shake: (to Frylock) Daddy! Daddy, you're home from your business trip! And you're sober!
Frylock: Shake...
Master Shake: Mommy moved to the city with Mommy's friend Jerry! And he tried to hit me, Daddy! Not like you do, in an extra-mean way...

[edit] Spirit Journey Formation Anniversary

Meatwad: Frylock, I'm friends with a toilet paper tube, an apple, and a box. I'm crazy in the head.
Boxy Brown: Well, you gonna dis me boy, dis me to my face!
Meatwad: Boxy, please, don't take it like that.
Boxy Brown: Well how'm I supposed to take it then?!
Meatwad: We just wanna celebrate my birthday with some cake-
Boxy Brown: Ah, I don't want no cake, I want me some pie! [with a chuckle] You understand what I'm sayin'?
Meatwad: ...No sir.
Boxy Brown: Well let me break it down: You know when you're in the shower with some fine foxy hoochi-mama, and she got dat-
Meatwad: [A pause] ...What?!
Frylock: Uh, Meatwad.
Meatwad: [To Boxy] Well I don't know if I believe that. I mean I seen action figures without the pants, they ain't got that.
Frylock: Uh, Meatwad.
Meatwad: [to Frylock] Shh, he is talkin' here!
Frylock: Oh, well I didn't mean to interrupt, but-
Meatwad: Watch out! He's got a knife!
Master Shake: You can't have birth without death. It's the duplicitous edge which we all walk upon.
Master Shake: I am responsible for the paradigm shift in birthdays and how they will be viewed in following centuries.
Shake: Gee-wilikers. It must be obvious day on camp stupid.
Master Shake: You know how many birthdays there are a year? There are hundreds. Literally … hundreds.
Zakk Wylde: Is Milkshake here?
Frylock: No, no, no.... I mean
Zakk Wylde: The beating I'm about to inflict upon him is going to be indescribable.
Meatwad: He's in the back. Go ahead and get 'em!
Zakk Wylde: Allright, thanks. Nice place, by the way. (sees Shake hiding in the back) Hey, I see ya!
Master Shake: Zakk, my man! I've been looking all over- thank God you stopped by! (Zakk lifts up his guitar, pointing the "axe" end toward shake's head) No, no.... PUT THAT DOWN! (Zakk lodges the axe between Shake's eyes) AAAAAAAAHHHH GOD!!!!
Homeless man: (mumbling) I'm seeing trees! I'll take care of it.... I'm a tree..... I'm a tree wizard!
Master Shake: Hey, that is great! Come on in, I've got a tray of muffins....
Homeless man: Muffins! (Grabs the tray of muffins)
Master Shake: One, take ONE! (Grabs the tray from him)
Homeless man: Tree wizard will be six dollars and forty-eight cents! (mumbles)
Master Shake: Kids are comin' to see the Black Mountain Scorpion Hoedown Blugrass Experience Gang, featuring Zakk Wylde on washtub bass. Zakk, did we not do the soundcheck?
[Zakk throws the bass at Shake]
Zakk Wylde: No, jackass, I'm not working with any plastic scorpions. These things are beyond gay.
Zakk Wylde: Why did I even get wasted and work with you? I mean, this isn't even a microphone. It's a stick with a marshmallow on it.
Master Shake: The room is intimate. Just project.
Zakk Wylde: Project what? I don't even know wh