Shirley Conran

Dame Shirley Ida Conran DBE (née Pearce; 21 September 1932 – 9 May 2024) was a British novelist and journalist.

Quotes

1975–2007

• Life’s too short to stuff a mushroom.
  • Superwoman (1975)

• I came back from a visit to my mother in Canada to find a note on the mantelpiece from Kevin [O'Sullivan]. It said: "By the time you read this I will be in Moscow. My wedding ring is in the waste-paper basket where it belongs." Kevin didn't divorce me, he deserted me. We divorced by mutual consent.
  • As cited in "The Revengers' Comedy", The Independent (23 March 1998)
  • Kevin O'Sullivan (Conran's third husband), by then married to biographer Victoria Glendinning, was the subject of public disagreements between the two women.

• [On her dislike of Christmas cards: M]y self-esteem isn't based on how many shepherds and robins I've got perched on the sideboard.
  • Interviewed by Judith Woods, as cited in "Shirley Conran: 'Never, ever give scented candles as a present'", The Telegraph (3 December 2007)

2012

• Fifty Shades of Grey is so infantile [...] More like baby porn. You have to wait until page 200 for any sex at all. She doesn’t get her bottom spanked until page 400. The writing is jerky: it needed a good edit.
• [On her marriage to (Sir) Terence Conran in 1955] It was just criticise, criticise, criticise, from morning to night. It was very wearing. I said at one point, "What I don’t understand is why you want me to stay." He had a good think and then said, "Because you are a very valuable business asset, because you make me laugh and because I got used to you, like my old school rug." What I wanted him to say, of course, was, "I love you." So I walked out.
  • Interviewed by Janice Turner, as cited in "Shirley Conran: bonkbusters, mummy porn and housework", The Times (14 July 2012)

• Canongate have been wonderful. They've allowed me to write the word 'masturbation' back into the copy. When Lace was first published, Michael Korda [the publishing giant who was Conran's editor] said the world wasn't ready for it. We had to use a polite euphemism. But now we have the verb.
• [On her divorce from (Sir) Terence Conran in 1962] I was 30. My mother said, "Well, perhaps it's as well your father's dead because otherwise you couldn't have got divorced." I gave her an astounded look, but that's how it was then.
• [On being motivated to leave the marriage] I went to St Paul's [the independent school in west London]. That was very important. The mistresses were all unmarried – their fiancees had all died on the Somme – and they were quietly subversive. Paulinas are known for having their own views. It would be very difficult for a Paulina not to expect equality in marriage. So when you get married, and find it's not so, it's a shock.
  • From an interview with Rachel Cooke, as cited in "Shirley Conran: all hail the queen of the bonkbuster", The Observer (London, 29 July 2012)
  • Lace, Conran's bestselling novel, was first published in 1982. Her father was a violent alcoholic.

• [The anonymous (male) interviewer recently read Lace with pleasure] Oh really? My ex-husband paid his lawyer to read it, to check whether there was anything to sue me about. A lovely job for £250 an hour. ["Did he find anything?"] Well Terence didn’t sue me [...] But I don’t think his lawyer did a very good job.
• [On turning down a fourth marriage at the age of 80] He might want to watch football on a Saturday afternoon. I might not be able to eat baked beans in bed at 3am if I want to.
  • As cited in "Interview: Shirley Conran, writer", The Scotsman (29 July 2012)